i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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