i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
