let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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