he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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