I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
