clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
