she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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