Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
