So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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