It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
