it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
