Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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