The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
