hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
