You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
