I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
