Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
