I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
