Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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