I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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