Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
this just has baby written all over it
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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