Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
