I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i think my tv is drunk
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My liver just had a heart attack.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
