the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
