I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
