Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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