Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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