I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
