highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
