I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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