So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
