At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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