imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize