I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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