my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
