It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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