I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
