I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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