'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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