So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
