There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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