my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
