hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Randomize
