Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
