he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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