the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
