My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
