planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
