I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize