You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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