I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
