So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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