can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize