you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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