I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
