he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He has the fingertips of a God
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