the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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