If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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