Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
