someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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