my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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