I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
