dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
