k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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