Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize