I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just blew my weed a kiss
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize