I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
