They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Houston, we have a blender
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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