Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
