i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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