i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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