Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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