Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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