I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
