just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize