Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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