I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
