You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
