it's not cheating when I paid for it
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
this hospital has no fireball
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
