I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
