Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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