She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
whose ass print is on the piano?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
