Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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