I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
