mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Randomize