The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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