Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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