those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
