I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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