Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
