Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
