so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
