She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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